I'm sure my sister will have something to say again about my entry not being about something fun and happy (I love you anyway!), but I have found this is a good way for me to express some of my feelings because I normally don't talk about things that bother me. But just to keep Mae Mae happy, Rhae is SO close to rolling over, and I can't wait for it to happen and be able to share it through video with all of you. Unfortunately, Rhae has run a fever for the last 24 hours and really is not feeling good even when the fever breaks, so there's not much other fun happy stuff going on right now.
Many of you already know of my struggle over the last few days. I mentioned in an earlier post about the adorable Fancher family we met. Mary Clayton has done so well over the last few weeks. Her mom has been email me daily and telling me of the progress she was making. It was slow, but still progress, and it thrilled me. Well, Tuesday morning, I woke up to an email stating she was not doing good. That night, I got another email again talking of how she had taken a turn for the worst and they were not expecting much. I cried all night. I am amazed at how quickly I have become attached to this baby and her parents. I'm usually very skeptical of new people and don't always connect right away. Strangely, that has not been the situation with Robert and Stephanie. I felt an immediate connection and I guess that's why this is so hard. I have taken care of very, very sick children in my nursing career, and have actually had to watch a 4 year old with brain cancer die after coding her for 4 hours, and have also watched a 9 month old baby boy code and die. As a nurse, I am supposed to be able to handle these things. This situation has really hit too close to home though. Though our situations are totally different ( I can't imagine what they are going through), I remember thinking Rhae wasn't going to live after birth. I remember thinking if she did, we would be in the same situation the Fancher's are. That could have been us, and that makes it a little more real.
I look at both my children and realize how lucky I am they are both here, and how I have taken their health for granted. Aidan is not sick much, and I don't think too much about how easy it would be for him to be as sick as some of the children I have taken care of. Rhae is doing great, and sometimes I forget how fragile and delicate she is, because she tries so hard. I know I have taken for granted the fact that she is here and we could be so much worse off than we are. PLEASE take a minute to reflect on your own children, neices, nephews, any children in your life, and how lucky you are to have them in your life. Things can change dramatically in a blink of an eye. Please keep Mary Clayton, Robert, and Stephanie in your daily prayers. We serve an amazing God. He hears our cries and still performs miracles everyday, and that is exactly what this family needs right now.